Tuesday, March 31, 2009

My Everything

____________________
My Everything
My Dream Girl
My Love
My Beloved
My Darling
My Soulmate
My Angel 
My Honey
My Binky
My Life
My Sweetheart
My Lover
My Girl
My Pumpkin
My Sillybutt
My Woman
My Girlfriend
My Future Wife
My Everything
____________________

She's PERFECT
She's Beautiful
She's Gorgeous
She's Intelligent
She's Elegant
She's Ravishing
She's Musical
She's Desirable
She's Sexy
She's HOT
She's AMAZING
She's Stunning
She's Strong
She's PERFECT
______________________

I love her...
Hair
Face
Legs
Smile
Smell
Eyes
Body
Feet
Sense of Humor
Clothes
Teeth
Arms
Hugs
Kisses
Kisses
Kisses
Dreams
Smarts
Musicality
Devotion
Strength
Heart
Brain
Fingers
Hands
Fascination of the Galaxy
Nose
Toes
Personality
Binkies
LOVE
I LOVE HER
___________________

I love the way she...
Talks
Sings
Whispers
Laughs
Walks
Marches
Holds me
Kisses me
Looks at me
Hugs me
Sits
Stands
Dresses
Squirms
Tells me that she LOVES ME
Answers the phone
Drives up to see me
Loves me
Cares for me
Talks about the World
I love that she knows who she is
I LOVE AUBREY

I LOVE YOU AUBREY.









Sunday, March 29, 2009

3-29-09

Didn't sleep till 3am. 
Woke up at 8:30am because my mother called.
Went  back to sleep.
Woke up at 10am to go to Off Target practice, i thought i was late but i was the first person there.
Practiced till 11:30am and worked on new songs.
Talked about where we want to record our demo.
Left and realized i had no gas.   
Put $20.00 in my tank at $2.21/gal. only got about 8 or so gallons. 
Went home, changed, did my hair, brushed my teeth, left for work at 1pm.
Got to work, sold about 3-4 ECP's, and an insole. YAY
helped people get what they needed and more, accomplished my daily goals in shoes and ECP's.
Texted Aubrey during work.
Had lunch at Del Taco, or ocat led.
Had a number 12?
It was goood.
Continued working.
Made my manager laugh and say good job.
Had a little kid ask what im doing 10-16 times.
The kid stole a zip tie.
Sold shoes to an indian guy who's leaving for India tomorrow.
Finished work.
Texted my love.
Drove home.
My parents are back from the river.
Im going to the river with aubrey and my parents next weekend!
Have to find someone to cover my saturday shift.
Realized my back left tire has two big cuts on the outside of it.
I want it to be PAYDAY already.
I Really Really Really Really missed Aubrey today.   =(
I LOVE AUBREY!
and now i get to go and talk to her so peacceeee.....

Saturday, March 28, 2009

How Hard Is It?


How hard is it really?
Sometimes I feel i cant do the simplest things or duties.
Is it because I am lazy?
Is it because I am careless?
Is it because I am too tired?
Is it because I just don't care?
Is it because I am forgetful?
Is it because I have no gas?
Is it because I have no money?
Is it because I am too hard on myself?

Its because I stay asleep too long, and always end up missing something by 10-15 minutes.   I have NEVER been like this before, why now?   Is it really that hard to wake up at a given time, no matter how much sleep you got the night before, and do something that has been planned for many weeks in advance.   I don't understand whats wrong with me, and when i do these kind of things, it really, really bugs me inside, i feel like a total ass, because I am, I feel like a total flake, because I am, I feel like an enormous bowl of guilt, was poured from above my head and instantly greeted with my shoulders and back and arms and finally to my legs, which makes me feel like i cant move, i cant do anything.    

Heck pour me into a bowl of guilt and shame, and call me 
"Disappointment"
or
"Embarrassed"
or
"Irresponsible" 


Here is an analogy of what i feel about school this spring.

I feel like a cereal, called any of the names above, that has been poured into a bowl.   I fit inside, but once things get going, like making the cereal, "cereal", by adding in milk or "focus, responsibilities, devotion, bands"
  
My bowl becomes overfilled with stress and emotions, 
after sitting for a while, the little cereal pieces, 
whatever they may be, begin to absorb the milk, 
making everything bigger and more of a problem, 
and eventually it will all spill over, 
but this is where i can change things, 
i can eat my cereal, and take it one spoonful at a time, 
and enjoy it, or i could rebel and let it all spill out 
and become a bad,  soggy, bowl of cereal. 

Is it really that hard to just eat a bowl of cereal? 

While typing this, i SHOULD have been at a Jazz I gig in Riverside, something ive seriously wanted to do since high school, and now that i have the chance, 
im just going to go ahead and have the audacity to sleep in 
and miss my very first jazz festival with RCC, 
really dude, really?

How hard is it?

Sunday, March 22, 2009

"Why Not"

So I'm not much of a DEEP thinker, but "why not" write my thoughts, feelings, and experiences down. 
Im going to copy aubrey a little and type about each day.   This might improve my thought process, and a little self-reflection isn't a bad thing...