My Star

To my Little Flower,

When I look at you I don't just see a beautiful girl, I see MY angel.   The Light that I never thought would shine down on me.   Your eyes look at me full of love, and care, and hope.   I look at you, and see a true gift from god. An Angel. A Hero. My Hero. A Hero who saved me from the average joe lifestyle.   You give me confidence and strength.   You make me feel so complete and unbelievably happy, all of the time.   You guide me towards the light I have always dreamed of.   Love and Happiness are just two of many dreams i've always wanted in someone.   Thank God its YOU!   I honestly couldn't have asked for more. You care for me as much as i care for you.   Even though you may say you love me more, which isn't true btw =D   

I love you more.  <3   

Every moment, every second I spend with you, I never want it to end.   I feel like trapping us in a snow globe or some type of enclosure, where there is no escape.   Where we can be alone and together 100% of the time.   Making my time with you last forever and making you happy is one of my main goals in life.   I never want to go somewhere or miss the chance of having you be with me.   You are my perfect EVERYTHING!   No matter what you say, YOU ARE the most beautiful, sophisticated, intelligent woman I have ever met.   It truly is an awesome feeling knowing that I can give you my heart and my world.   I really am the luckiest man in the world.   At the age 19, I have found my one true soulmate.   My Angel, My Light, My Shooting Star, My Love, My Strength, My Pleasure, My Courage, My complete understanding of wanting to spend the rest of my life with someone special FOREVER.   The best thing is, her name is Aubrey Lauren Jakob, and she loves me as much as I love her.    

She's MINE. 

ALL MINE. 

She truly made me become a man.

I LOVE YOU 

  

Nov. 8th 2008

was the start of my life.

A little poem i wrote before i went to bed last night.

My Shooting Star,

My Guiding Light,

My True Soulmate,

I Say Goodnight.

I...

I LOVE AUBREY

<3<3<3

<3<3<3<3<3<3

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

<3<3<3<3<3<3

<3<3<3

I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH

<3<3<3

<3<3<3<3<3<3

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

<3<3<3<3<3<3

<3<3<3

FOREVER

My Everything

____________________

My Everything

My Dream Girl

My Love

My Beloved

My Darling

My Soulmate

My Angel 

My Honey

My Binky

My Life

My Sweetheart

My Lover

My Girl

My Pumpkin

My Sillybutt

My Woman

My Girlfriend

My Future Wife

My Everything

____________________

She's PERFECT

She's Beautiful

She's Gorgeous

She's Intelligent

She's Elegant

She's Ravishing

She's Musical

She's Desirable

She's Sexy

She's HOT

She's AMAZING

She's Stunning

She's Strong

She's PERFECT

______________________

I love her...

Hair

Face

Legs

Smile

Smell

Eyes

Body

Feet

Sense of Humor

Clothes

Teeth

Arms

Hugs

Kisses

Kisses

Kisses

Dreams

Smarts

Musicality

Devotion

Strength

Heart

Brain

Fingers

Hands

Fascination of the Galaxy

Nose

Toes

Personality

Binkies

LOVE

I LOVE HER

___________________

I love the way she...

Talks

Sings

Whispers

Laughs

Walks

Marches

Holds me

Kisses me

Looks at me

Hugs me

Sits

Stands

Dresses

Squirms

Tells me that she LOVES ME

Answers the phone

Drives up to see me

Loves me

Cares for me

Talks about the World

I love that she knows who she is

I LOVE AUBREY

I LOVE YOU AUBREY.

3-29-09

Didn't sleep till 3am. 

Woke up at 8:30am because my mother called.

Went  back to sleep.

Woke up at 10am to go to Off Target practice, i thought i was late but i was the first person there.

Practiced till 11:30am and worked on new songs.

Talked about where we want to record our demo.

Left and realized i had no gas.   

Put $20.00 in my tank at $2.21/gal. only got about 8 or so gallons. 

Went home, changed, did my hair, brushed my teeth, left for work at 1pm.

Got to work, sold about 3-4 ECP's, and an insole. YAY

helped people get what they needed and more, accomplished my daily goals in shoes and ECP's.

Texted Aubrey during work.

Had lunch at Del Taco, or ocat led.

Had a number 12?

It was goood.

Continued working.

Made my manager laugh and say good job.

Had a little kid ask what im doing 10-16 times.

The kid stole a zip tie.

Sold shoes to an indian guy who's leaving for India tomorrow.

Finished work.

Texted my love.

Drove home.

My parents are back from the river.

Im going to the river with aubrey and my parents next weekend!

Have to find someone to cover my saturday shift.

Realized my back left tire has two big cuts on the outside of it.

I want it to be PAYDAY already.

I Really Really Really Really missed Aubrey today.   =(

I LOVE AUBREY!

and now i get to go and talk to her so peacceeee.....

How Hard Is It?

How hard is it really?

Sometimes I feel i cant do the simplest things or duties.

Is it because I am lazy?

Is it because I am careless?

Is it because I am too tired?

Is it because I just don't care?

Is it because I am forgetful?

Is it because I have no gas?

Is it because I have no money?

Is it because I am too hard on myself?

Its because I stay asleep too long, and always end up missing something by 10-15 minutes.   I have NEVER been like this before, why now?   Is it really that hard to wake up at a given time, no matter how much sleep you got the night before, and do something that has been planned for many weeks in advance.   I don't understand whats wrong with me, and when i do these kind of things, it really, really bugs me inside, i feel like a total ass, because I am, I feel like a total flake, because I am, I feel like an enormous bowl of guilt, was poured from above my head and instantly greeted with my shoulders and back and arms and finally to my legs, which makes me feel like i cant move, i cant do anything.    

Heck pour me into a bowl of guilt and shame, and call me 

"Disappointment"

or

"Embarrassed"

or

"Irresponsible" 

Here is an analogy of what i feel about school this spring.

I feel like a cereal, called any of the names above, that has been poured into a bowl.   I fit inside, but once things get going, like making the cereal, "cereal", by adding in milk or "focus, responsibilities, devotion, bands"

  

My bowl becomes overfilled with stress and emotions, 

after sitting for a while, the little cereal pieces, 

whatever they may be, begin to absorb the milk, 

making everything bigger and more of a problem, 

and eventually it will all spill over, 

but this is where i can change things, 

i can eat my cereal, and take it one spoonful at a time, 

and enjoy it, or i could rebel and let it all spill out 

and become a bad,  soggy, bowl of cereal. 

Is it really that hard to just eat a bowl of cereal? 

While typing this, i SHOULD have been at a Jazz I gig in Riverside, something ive seriously wanted to do since high school, and now that i have the chance, 

im just going to go ahead and have the audacity to sleep in 

and miss my very first jazz festival with RCC, 

really dude, really?

How hard is it?

"Why Not"

So I'm not much of a DEEP thinker, but "why not" write my thoughts, feelings, and experiences down. 

Im going to copy aubrey a little and type about each day.   This might improve my thought process, and a little self-reflection isn't a bad thing...