My Everything

____________________

My Everything

My Dream Girl

My Love

My Beloved

My Darling

My Soulmate

My Angel 

My Honey

My Binky

My Life

My Sweetheart

My Lover

My Girl

My Pumpkin

My Sillybutt

My Woman

My Girlfriend

My Future Wife

My Everything

____________________

She's PERFECT

She's Beautiful

She's Gorgeous

She's Intelligent

She's Elegant

She's Ravishing

She's Musical

She's Desirable

She's Sexy

She's HOT

She's AMAZING

She's Stunning

She's Strong

She's PERFECT

______________________

I love her...

Hair

Face

Legs

Smile

Smell

Eyes

Body

Feet

Sense of Humor

Clothes

Teeth

Arms

Hugs

Kisses

Kisses

Kisses

Dreams

Smarts

Musicality

Devotion

Strength

Heart

Brain

Fingers

Hands

Fascination of the Galaxy

Nose

Toes

Personality

Binkies

LOVE

I LOVE HER

___________________

I love the way she...

Talks

Sings

Whispers

Laughs

Walks

Marches

Holds me

Kisses me

Looks at me

Hugs me

Sits

Stands

Dresses

Squirms

Tells me that she LOVES ME

Answers the phone

Drives up to see me

Loves me

Cares for me

Talks about the World

I love that she knows who she is

I LOVE AUBREY

I LOVE YOU AUBREY.

3-29-09

Didn't sleep till 3am. 

Woke up at 8:30am because my mother called.

Went  back to sleep.

Woke up at 10am to go to Off Target practice, i thought i was late but i was the first person there.

Practiced till 11:30am and worked on new songs.

Talked about where we want to record our demo.

Left and realized i had no gas.   

Put $20.00 in my tank at $2.21/gal. only got about 8 or so gallons. 

Went home, changed, did my hair, brushed my teeth, left for work at 1pm.

Got to work, sold about 3-4 ECP's, and an insole. YAY

helped people get what they needed and more, accomplished my daily goals in shoes and ECP's.

Texted Aubrey during work.

Had lunch at Del Taco, or ocat led.

Had a number 12?

It was goood.

Continued working.

Made my manager laugh and say good job.

Had a little kid ask what im doing 10-16 times.

The kid stole a zip tie.

Sold shoes to an indian guy who's leaving for India tomorrow.

Finished work.

Texted my love.

Drove home.

My parents are back from the river.

Im going to the river with aubrey and my parents next weekend!

Have to find someone to cover my saturday shift.

Realized my back left tire has two big cuts on the outside of it.

I want it to be PAYDAY already.

I Really Really Really Really missed Aubrey today.   =(

I LOVE AUBREY!

and now i get to go and talk to her so peacceeee.....

How Hard Is It?

How hard is it really?

Sometimes I feel i cant do the simplest things or duties.

Is it because I am lazy?

Is it because I am careless?

Is it because I am too tired?

Is it because I just don't care?

Is it because I am forgetful?

Is it because I have no gas?

Is it because I have no money?

Is it because I am too hard on myself?

Its because I stay asleep too long, and always end up missing something by 10-15 minutes.   I have NEVER been like this before, why now?   Is it really that hard to wake up at a given time, no matter how much sleep you got the night before, and do something that has been planned for many weeks in advance.   I don't understand whats wrong with me, and when i do these kind of things, it really, really bugs me inside, i feel like a total ass, because I am, I feel like a total flake, because I am, I feel like an enormous bowl of guilt, was poured from above my head and instantly greeted with my shoulders and back and arms and finally to my legs, which makes me feel like i cant move, i cant do anything.    

Heck pour me into a bowl of guilt and shame, and call me 

"Disappointment"

or

"Embarrassed"

or

"Irresponsible" 

Here is an analogy of what i feel about school this spring.

I feel like a cereal, called any of the names above, that has been poured into a bowl.   I fit inside, but once things get going, like making the cereal, "cereal", by adding in milk or "focus, responsibilities, devotion, bands"

  

My bowl becomes overfilled with stress and emotions, 

after sitting for a while, the little cereal pieces, 

whatever they may be, begin to absorb the milk, 

making everything bigger and more of a problem, 

and eventually it will all spill over, 

but this is where i can change things, 

i can eat my cereal, and take it one spoonful at a time, 

and enjoy it, or i could rebel and let it all spill out 

and become a bad,  soggy, bowl of cereal. 

Is it really that hard to just eat a bowl of cereal? 

While typing this, i SHOULD have been at a Jazz I gig in Riverside, something ive seriously wanted to do since high school, and now that i have the chance, 

im just going to go ahead and have the audacity to sleep in 

and miss my very first jazz festival with RCC, 

really dude, really?

How hard is it?

"Why Not"

So I'm not much of a DEEP thinker, but "why not" write my thoughts, feelings, and experiences down. 

Im going to copy aubrey a little and type about each day.   This might improve my thought process, and a little self-reflection isn't a bad thing...